5 Thing You Learn When...

Going off to college is a big deal. It is obvious that everyone knows this because EVERYONE wants to give you advice on the subject. They say things like:
  • Time management is the most important aspect of college life
  • Be sure to be careful, because this is your first time away from home
  • No one is going to be there to clean up after you
  • College is a much different from high school
  • You had better learn to budget you money
They tell you these along with the millions of other little tidbits that will make you time in college an enjoyable experience.

On the other hand there are an equal amount of information that no one thinks is necessary to provide you with. I am here to discuss some information I am sure you would have like to have had on your way to college. This kind of knowledge is priceless.

I am here to tell you the 5 things you realize when you wake up with your first hangover.
  1. You never know how you got to your "final resting place". You begin to think:
    -Who decided that a park bench was a good place for me to sleep?
    -Why is my car why my mailbox used to be?
    (Don't drink and drive)
    -My body hurts. Is it because I climbed this statue and slept on a steel horse?

  2. You will never be able to finish this sentence until someone finishes it for you:
    -The last thing I remember is...

  3. Your mouth tastes awful. You breath smells worse. You begin to think:
    -I would love to trade mouths with one of the girls from 2girls1cup.com

  4. (If you are naked) You might have done something you did not want to do. You begin to think:
    -Who is this laying next to me?
    -I hope he/she is not ugly.
    -WHERE'S THE CONDOM?!?!?!?!?
    -I wonder if I was any good?
    -I wonder if he/she was any good?
    -Where are my boxers/panties? (courtesy of that skit off of "The Love Below")
    -(As a matter of fact, EVERYTHING off of that skit)

  5. You will NEVER, EVER drink again. You begin to think:
    -There is no way I will ever touch another drop of alcohol.
    -Homecoming is right around the corner, but after that no more drinking for me. I feel terrible.
    -My boy's/girl's birthday is next week. Well she gonna have to deal with me sober because I am done drinking.
As we all know, number 5 NEVER holds, and we are right back to drinking that next weekend.

This has been an informational session for any of you who have not gotten PLASTERED and would like some insight into the ordeal before you make that decision.

Drink Responsibly



12kyle said...

@ Stew
You were dead on point with this post, bruh.

I never took a drink when I was in college but all of my boys were drunks so all of this sounds so familar!! Haaaaa

Time management is so critical in college. I played football so that took up most of my time. So, time management was critical for me to balance books, ball, and babes! LOL

Good post!

Charles said...


but I would NEVER trade mouths with one of them 2girls1cup chicks. That shit was madd nasty...

and I'm rollin off of numba 5...so true...

niki.mac said...

i once passed out in a club......
i think that was the most drunk i've ever been in my life lol and the funny thing about it is, i got up and went to work by 9AM the next morning!!!

kayellejaye said...

My hangovers and drunken shenanigans have never made me say I would "NEVER, EVER drink again". That's just crazy talk.

Stew said...

@12 - well you were one of the "good" football players. every footballer i ever knew drank, and drank heavily

@charles - i don't think anyone would trade mouths with them girls

@niki - you are a pro!!!

@kayelle - you ain't been drunk enough then

karrie b. said...

i fell asleep in the club in cancun after taking 5 shots of tequila. these rules were SPOT on. now i drink just to loosen up.


Stew said...

@karrie - yeah i think most people do. i like the taste a little too

Lina said...

2girls 1cup...ewwww...

Where are my panties....LMAO

I used to say that I would never drink again as I hung my head in the toilet bowl.