No Matter What I Do...

It is very hard to be me sometimes.  Very few people in this world have the same experience that I have.

"I have said it before and I will say it again.  You are not as great as you think you are."

Of course you would say that.  Your entire reason for existence is to be a thorn in my side, and I thank you for that.

"That makes no sense."

With you being as negative and condecending as you are, it makes me feel SO good when I do something amazing.

"Safe to assume you are going to b

ore us with some pathetic story about something that you think you did well."

You know me so well.  You would not be a good alter ego if you d

id not.

I realized years ago that no matter what I do I am really good at it.  Most times I am good at it without trying to be.  For example, this past weekend my class went on a field trip to Green Lake in Fayetteville, New York.

"TIMEOUT.  Field trip?  I thought you were in grad school, why are you taking field trips?"

*Ignorance tuned out*

While we were on the field trip I took the opportunity to try my hand at nature photography.  Instead of me telling you how great the pictures were, I will just show you.

Then we went to this waterfall.

This last one is just me showing off.

Damn it is tough to be me.

~sTeW~

I Got A Question

I really hate it when I have a billion things that I could write about, but I am just to lazy to start typing.

"Seems as if you are too lazy to do a bunch of stuff lately."

Do you care to elaborate?

"I woke up last night and the bed was wet."

When did you wake up?!?!?! And what did you do?!?!?!?

"Not only is what I did none of your business, it is irrelevant.  I am trying to figure out why I had to change the sheets last night."

Look man, after I fall asleep and you decide to take over, I can not be held accountable for anything that happens.

"Wait, so we weren't at a pool?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

"Go to hell Stew."

No can do.  There is too much fun to be had, plus I have a question to ask the people.

A few years back I learned the answer to a popular tongue twister.  Since then, when ever I asked someone if they knew the answer to the tongue twister they did not know.  Like most people, I did not know that there was an answer to the question, so I was excited when I learned the answer.

The question is:

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I am curious to know how many of you know the answer to this.  DON'T CHEAT EITHER!!!

We are watching you.

~sTeW~

5 Things You Learn When...

I must admit, this is one of my favorite segments to write.  The bad thing is that it is not always easy coming up with a situation that you can learn 5 things from.

"How about '5 Things you learn when  you read my boring ass posts' or maybe '5 Things you learn when you finally bow down to King Douglass'?  I really like the second one."

Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?

"Survey says......No!!!"

Did not think so.

Douglass' excessive talking has given me a good idea for this installment.  So I will jump right into it.

5 Things you learn when you have an out of control alter ego.

1. The thoughts that you are having are not your own.  You begin to think:

-Why do I have a sudden urge to slap that person?

-Why am I craving a Newports?

-Where is this passion for goth chicks coming from?

2. You can end up in places without knowing how you got there.  You begin to think:

-I know I fell asleep in my bed last night.  So why am I in this dumpster?

-Why am I in this bed with a guy....naked?

-What did I do to get put in this jail cell?

3. You can sometimes assume the persona of your alter ego.  Alter ego begins to think:

-It's my turn to have some fun.

-Show me the goth chicks.

-If I get drunk enough, I just might kill someone.

4. People start to think that you have lost your marbles.  They begin to think:

-Whenever I see him/her he/she is always talking to himself/herself.

-He/She always looks tired.  It's like he/she is living two lives.

-One day he/she likes *insert type of person*,  but other days he/she is into goth chicks.

5. YOU start to think that you have lost your marbles.  You begin to think:

-Why did that person just look me and call me a different name?

-I do not remember spending $200 at Hot Topic.

-Is it possible to develop a drug addiction overnight?

Maybe Douglass is out of control, maybe not.  Maybe these 5 things apply to me, maybe not.  Maybe I am feeling goth chicks, maybe not. 

"You do like goth chicks, rocker chicks too.  Do not act like I'm the only one with this fetish.  Hell, you are the reason why I even pay them any mind to begin with."

All I am saying is that these are some situations to look out for if you have an alter ego.

Especially one that does not have your best interest in mind.

~sTeW~ 

(for those who do not know, the top picture is from a movie called Mr. Brooks.  if you are still lost then watch the movie and read this post again)