Tip Your Garbage Man

"My god!!! What's that awful smell?  Smells like bananas, spoiled meat and used diapers.  Many, many used diapers."

Oh, sorry.  That is me Douglass. I just got in.  It does not smell that bad does it?

"WHAT!?!?!?! That's like looking at Sarah Jessica Parker, and saying, 'She is not that ugly'.  She is hideous, and you smell like roadkill."

Well what do you want me to do about it, I spent all morning picking up people's garbage and throwing it on a truck.

"I WANT you to burn those close and then wash your ass.  That's what I WANT you to do about it.  Don't touch any of my things."

Sure thing...

*After a 30 min shower*

"See how much difference soap and water can make?  Wait....I just thought about something, what the hell were you doing picking up garbage?  You got some kind of kinky fetish or something?  I knew you were nasty, but damn."

Your stupidity knows no bounds.  I did it because of a bet I made with a friend of mine, we will call him Slick Willy.  Slick Willy got busted for public urination when he took a piss on the sidewalk before he went into the club.  I was not there when it happened, but from what I hear, he was BLASTED and thought that it would be a good idea to take a piss while standing in line. I think he got some on some people's feet.  Needless to say the cops came right when someone was about to pound his face in.  At the end of the day, he had to do 30 hours of community service.  One of the many different tasks he was given was being a garbage man for a day.  When he came back and told me about it, he said it was the hardest thing he had ever done and bet me that I would not do it.  

"So you do anything that people bet you?  I bet you to leave and never come back.  I would even pay you."

Though collecting garbage was not the HARDEST thing I have ever done, I have gained a new respect for those that do.  I have always respected blue collar workers.  These are the guys that make our lives easy to live.  In my personal opinion, they get shafted the same way that teachers do.  

It is hard to grasp the magnitude of trash.  You have to stop at EVERY house, on EVERY street, in EVERY neighborhood.  You cannot skip a single house.  ALL TRASH MUST BE COLLECTED!!! You name it, I bet you I saw it in someone's garbage.  Until you go from house to house on about 20 different streets, you will never understand how much trash we generate. What's worse is that Halloween just ended, which means I picked up so many damn pumpkins that if I see another one before next Halloween I may have to be committed.  I want you to guess how much garbage we collected in about 5 hours of work.  I will give you a second to come up with a number.




You got a number? If you guessed 7.5 tons then you were correct.  We collected 7.5 tons of garbage in 5 hours.  And that was just two guys and one truck.  There are an army of workers accompanied by platoon of trucks.

It was not all bad though.  I got some good exercise, and I got to hang off of a moving vehicle.  There are not too many jobs where you can jump off of a truck and not get yelled at.  I felt like Will Smith's stunt double.  If you have not done it, do it.  

Just be sure not to fall on your face.


P.S. Do your garbage man a favor and put your trash in bags.  Do not just throw a bunch of individual pieces of trash away.  When you bag it, it makes his life that much easier.  Also, it stops him from memorizing your address and coming back to crap on your lawn.


kayellejaye said...

I dated a garbage man for a hot second. That smell he brought home with him was unreal. I don't know how they do it.

Tuesdai Noelle said...

I LOVE reading all of your post, so energetic, fun, humourous and straight down-to earth.

I am always considerate towards taking down the garbage period. Do unto others, that's how I see it.

kid.a said...

7.5 tons of garbage in 5 hours?!? what do they do w/ all that trash?!?

yea being a garbage man cannot be easy...personally, i hate cleaning up after ppl.

i heard that you have to have a college degree to be a garbage man in big cities like new york, b/c of all the chemicals and stuff. i'm not sure if that is across the line or just in the garbage plant...i doubt it though. i didn't do any further investigation b/c...well..i do not want to be a garbage man. although i will acknowledge its importance...its just not for me.

Lina said...

I have mad respect for all blue collar workers, trash men included. Im just not so sure I'd like to do it for free. Yea, you'd have to pay me for that.

Rodlie Ortiz said...

Yup. I think I'll take that advice. I will bag it all up from now on. I'm not looking forward to seeing any surprises on my lawn.


TheTrashmaster said...

You know, the garbage men don't just have to live with the stupid smell! Jeez, you live in such a small neighborhood that it must have been easy to pick up. I work for the New York Dept. of Sanitation, and we get impatient drivers crashing into us, broken glass ripping a muscle from my partner's leg, back strain, hypodermic needles, having the hopper compact and spray acid all over us, flying debris cuts and even blinds some garbage men and on top of all that, we are twice as likely to die as a policeman or firefighter! You pansy!