OK....Now I'm Worried!!!

One of Ashton Kutcher's better movies has to be Butterfly Effect. The whole concept of one small change in the past having cataclysmic consequences in the future really made me think. Looking back in history there have been plenty of events that, if one minor detail is changed, then many situations today would be entirely different. The most interesting part of all of this is that in most of those situations those people did not know that they would become iconic for the things they did. They were not expecting to make history. Rosa Parks was not shooting for glory. Neither were the people who fought and died during the Civil Rights movement. Many of the presidents that changed history did not pass bills to become immortal, they did it because they thought it was the right thing to do.

"So far you have not said anything yet that is totally off the wall. I can agree with everything that you have said. I think that those are the types of people who should be praised; those who perform a task selflessly. But you did not come here to talk about historical figures and why you admire them. What's really on your mind?"

It is different when you know that a particular event will change your future.

"You going to tell us, or are you going to continue to pussyfoot around it?"

I have a final coming up and my ENTIRE future is riding on it

"Are you serious? I thought you were about to go into something deep. Now we have to listen to you complain about this test. I could be doing something else. I will be watching TV."

So I was accepted into grad school as a provisional student. This is because I did not have a perfect GPA coming out of undergrad, nor did I score a 1600 on the GRE. Yet I am on the path that I want to be on. I call it luck. My dad says intercessory prayer has aided me in getting to where I am. Either way, some would say that I do not deserve to have the opportunities that have been given to me. As a provisional student I have to get B's in both of my classes. I am doing fine in one class, but the other really has me worried. I have NEVER been in a position where ONE TEST decides my fate. I have no backup plan. This is the only school that I applied to, this is the only school that I am interested in attending. As it stands now, I HAVE to get an A on the final to get a B for the class. I have always been clutch under pressure.

"Except for that one time when you were playing little league baseball. You had the bases loaded and all you had to do was hit a ground ball and your team would have won. What did you do? You hit a fly ball to the pitcher. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!"

Wait, I thought you were watching TV?

"Sorry."

Besides that one incident, I have always been able to come out on top.

It's weird to be having these feelings. These feelings of doubt. A dark "worry cloud" hanging over my head.

I do not worry.

I do not doubt myself.

I NEVER worry.

I NEVER doubt myself.

Well...no need to start now.

~sTeW~

The Importance of Creativity

Before we get started today, I would like to direct any newcomers to my first post. This will explain any questions that you may have. Also it will prevent you from thinking that I am COMPLETELY nuts.

"Who knows, you may be a little crazy."

With that being said, let's move on.


















Depending on what your views are, everything did not always have a "name". If you are a creationist then everything had its name from the beginning. If you believe in evolution then you think that names were given to everything once man was able to talk. Either way it took some creativity to name EVERYTHING. Fast forward to the recent times, and you see that scientist are becoming lazy when it comes to naming new species of animals. Instead of screwing with a Latin word to make a cool new name, they are naming animals based off of what they do, where they found them, or they just combine two known animals names into one. For example, scientist made a "supercat" from mixing lion and tiger DNA, thus the Liger was born. They found a squirrel that could glide through they air, so they called it a flying squirrel. Then you have the African & Asian elephant. Using this logic they should have named rottweilers "bite-the-shit-out-of-you dog", or called baboons "pink butt monkey".

"So you expect these people to come up with new and exciting names for everything they find just because you want cooler names? There are MILLIONS of different species of animals out there. No one has time for that. If they find a modified version of a more common animal, they are going to name it by its modification. That makes more sense than your crazy wordplay idea. Why do you care anyway?"

I care because the people around me have been just as uncreative as these scientist.

"I'm confused."

I always wanted a cool nickname, but I never got one. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my name. I would make passionate love to it if I could. When I was in elementary school we were required to read a book, and the book was......Stuart Little. For about two weeks, my name was Stuart Little. I was named after a talking mouse. One of the main reasons I hated that dreaded name is because I do not spell my name like that, that "U" in the middle makes the name look lame. Whats worse is that I thought that I had escaped that terrible name, but behold that damn Michael J. Fox went out and made a movie. So I was tormented by small children....again. By that time I was old enough to toss them all down a well, but my lawyers advised against that for legal reasons.

Another terrible name was Beef Stew. This name did not come up as often, but when it did it sent people into a frenzy. People would laugh like they saw a guy get hit in the nuts on America Funniest Home Videos. I thought it absolutely sucked as a nickname, but I could not do anything to shake it.

"Well you have to admit, those names are pretty funny."

My family is a little better about nicknames, but every name they gave me do not mean anything. I would rather not divulge the nature of the names that they gave me, (and I hope they don't either) but let's just say that they made up words and stuck them together to make up names to torture me with. Thanks Mom, Dad, & Dee you have been a big help.

I have to give props to Niki.Mac. She was the first person to call me Stewy. This was in middle school WAY before Family Guy came out. Too bad it did not stick until after Family Guy dropped. The sad thing is that sometimes people do not make the Family Guy connection until they have known me for a while. Then they laugh and laugh, "You have the same name as the baby. Ha Ha Ha!!!" Idiots.

I do have one name that I am proud of. StewNasty. That is all I really need at this point in my life. I love it. Let it roll off of your tongue a few times. StewNasty. StewNasty. StewNasty. No really, say it out loud. Hopefully you will have the same appreciation for it as I do.

~sTeW~

We Got Tagged

So we were tagged.

The culprit... Adrianne

Only I will answer. Douglass is boring.

The Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Mention the rules in you blog
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 others by linking to them
5. Leave the 6 comments letting them know you tagged them

Here goes:

1. I thrive off of chaos. I do not like for anything to be in order. My room is always relatively messy. I do not make plans for anything, I just kind of go where the wind blows me. I guess I found that making plans do not mean that they will happen. I always have an "idea" of what I want to do, but nothing is ever definite.

2. I absolutely love to be right. I get no bigger high than being right about something, it really is pitiful. Makes me think that I can tell the future; it would be cool if I could.

3. I am in the middle of doing P90x right now. Just in case you do not know what that is, P90x. I am getting pretty good results. I am not really going for size, just definition. I have the perfect body type for a really ripped physique.

4. I am a really picky eater. Its strange, because I do not dislike most foods because of how they taste, I dislike them because I do not like their texture. Anything really grainy I can not eat (grits for example). I will not go into ALL of the foods that I despise, but it is always safe to assume that I do not eat most things.

5. Continuing with the food topic; I can not taste very well. I think it is because I seared off my taste buds when I was younger. I would put extremely hot foods and drink in my mouth and it would burn pretty badly. Now, when I order food or when I cook, I need extra seasoning or extra sauce. For example, when I get a sub I have to get mayo, barbecue sauce, and what ever other kind of sauces they have for me to enjoy it. The people who make the subs always look at me like I am crazy for mixing so many flavors. I HAVE TO YOU JERKS!!!!

6. I do not wear athletic shoes anymore. There was a time when all I wore were T-mac's. I was in love with his shoes, but now I just do not wear them anymore. I still like his shoes, and I still have them all, but I am just into casual shoes now; Adidas, Puma, ect.

Well since I am new to the blogging community, I do not have anyone to tag. I can not just tag a random person. That would be weird.

~sTeW~

My New Banner!!!

My page is finally starting to come together. I got my banner today from one of my co-authors. She is a fantastic artist, and a fantastic person. Douglass and I both think so. Also, you guys got a glimpse into the mind of BlakThot. I knew that bringing him in on this with me would be a great idea. He can dive deeper into a subject that I ever thought was possible. Keep a lookout for him, he will continue to drop plenty knowledge on you guys. I don't have anything thought provoking today. Do you Douglass?

"Nope. You know I only feed off of you and your crazy way of thinking. But I must say that the page is coming along very nicely. Banner is nice, the comments people are leaving compliment our content. Seems like we are accomplishing the original goals."


Until next time. Remember this:

Dream like you will live forever, live like you will die today.
-James Dean

~sTeW~

History Lesson

Contrary to what we may think or may not want to think....Everyone has a past...We all have some sort of history behind us that makes us who we are at this point in our lives...People don't start with a "Now"....we start with a "Back Then" or a "Back When"...However, it would only seem logical that once we have moved on from our past...that we would have nothing to do with it...That we would be almost seperate from it...

But how can we be seperated from that which has made us?...That which we have broken from as we became us?...

We can't....And we tend to forget that...The things we have done...The things we have seen...They are all apart of us...Even the people we have met...

They are a part of us...

So when we get a point where we try and break away...It would only seem fair that there will be a moment where reality has to balance the equation...It starts to negate itself...And in doing so, we come to experience similar events to that which we try and forget...Similar places...and even similar people...

More specifically, I've come to find that with people, your dreams will balance the equation, too....You cannot deny where you have been...

The only thing that ever has and forever will be definite is Yesterday...

I guess that what I'm trying to get at is, there is no escaping your past...There is no escaping that part of you...All you can do is live with it...

And until you can get that done...

...then it's not quite history, is it?

Beautiful Music in the Morning

In psychology there exists a phenomenon called conditioning. There is classical conditioning, and operant conditioning. Operant conditioning deals more with controlling voluntary behavior, much like how you train a child, with rewards and punishments. Classical conditioning is the process Pavlov used to teach his dogs.

"Just because you took an Intro to Psychology course a few years back does no make you an expert. Also, you cannot assume everyone knows who Pavlov is, and what he did with his dogs. How about you give the people a little background."

Ivan Pavlov was a Russian physiologist, psychologist, and physician. He won a Nobel Prize in 1904, but not for the stuff I am talking about. He is mostly known for describing classical conditioning. He noticed that his dogs started to salivate before they received their food. His altered his research to figure out why. It turns out that the dogs were “conditioned” to respond to anything that meant, “food is coming”. At one point he would ring a bell then feed the dogs. After a few times of this, he noticed that once he rung the bell the dogs would begin to salivate, whether they received food or not.

"Thanks Stew. We have all become a little smarter thanks to you. Why are you telling us this?"

In psychology there exists a phenomenon called conditioning. There is classical conditioning, and operant conditioning. Operant conditioning deals more with controlling voluntary behavior, much like how you train a child, with rewards and punishments. Classical conditioning is the process Pavlov used to teach his dogs.

"Just because you took an Intro to Psychology course a few years back does no make you an expert. Also, you cannot assume everyone knows who Pavlov is, and what he did with his dogs. How about you give the people a little background."

"Thanks Stew. We have all become a little smarter thanks to you. Why are you telling us this?"

I HATE MORNING BIRDS!!!

"Ok. Calm down. What are morning birds? Are they a specific species, or are you just making stuff up again?"

They are just birds that sing in the morning. I don't know what kind they are. I am not a bird watcher. I don't even own a pair of binoculars.

"Oh. Well continue."

The funny thing about classical conditioning is that it can happen to you, and you would not even be cognizant of it. I started out my undergrad with professional physics as my major. (Only to change it to environmental geophysics my junior year) This means that once you get past your freshman year, you are taking at least 2 or 3 physics class every semester, and every semester the became progressively harder. This also means that pulling all-nighters were commonplace. We would be up until 4 or 5 in the morning 3 or 4 days a week. Most animals are sleep during that time, except for morning birds. It seems as if they are waking up right about the time when you are the most frustrated and you feel like burning every textbook and every page of notes you can get your hands on. Those birds would just be singing their little hearts out while I am frustrated trying to solve the equation of motion for a ball rolling down a slope.

"What does this have to do with conditioning?"

I was conditioned to associate morning birds with anger and frustration. Now whenever I hear them, those feelings return, no matter what I am doing. The worst thing about it is that there was this big tree right next to the window that we always kept open, so sometimes it felt like the bird was right beside me chirping in my ear. A few times I could have sworn I saw bird crap on my shoulder. I naively thought that these birds did not exist anywhere but in THAT tree right outside THAT window. Imagine my surprise when I was outside of my parent’s house early in the morning and heard them there too. Next thing I know, I am reaching for my lighter and my modern physics book.

"There is no need to take your lack of discipline out on birds. If you would have done your work when you would were supposed to do it, you would not have had to wait until the night before to get it finished. I have no sympathy for you. You are the cause of all this. It is like a chain reaction. Here is how it went: You knew that stuff was going to be hard, yet you still decided to wait until the night before. But you and I both know that you are not going to be proactive and get you work finished early. So when the work got difficult you should not have gotten frustrated because you had to stay up all night. If you didn't get frustrated then you would not have to worry about associating innocent birds with your self induced frustration. Point Proven."

Well it happened, and now I am scarred for life. It is starting to wear off some though. I don’t get as angry as I used to, but I still think about being in that room. Bic in one hand, Zippo in the other.

But man, those birds do sing a beautiful song.

~sTeW~

The Rolling Stones Lied!!

(Liquid Clocks by Salvador Dali)

TIME IS ON MY SIDE

Time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is

Now you always say
That you want to be free
But you'll come running back (said you would baby)
You'll come running back (I said so many times before)
You'll come running back to me

Oh, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is

You're searching for good times
But just wait and see
You'll come running back (I won't have to worry no more)
You'll come running back (spend the rest of my life with you, baby)
You'll come running back to me

Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town
And baby, do everything your heart desires
Remember, I'll always be around
And I know, I know
Like I told you so many times before
You're gonna come back, baby
'Cause I know
You're gonna come back knocking
Yeah, knocking right on my door
Yes, yes!

Well, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is

'Cause I got the real love
The kind that you need
You'll come running back (said you would, baby)
You'll come running back (I always said you would)
You'll come running back, to me
Yes time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
I said, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side
Yeah, time, time, time is on my side

The year was 1964. Lyndon B. Johnson was presiding over these united states. The 24th amendment was passed outlawing poll taxes in national elections. Cassius Clay defeated Sonny Liston for the world heavyweight championship. Malcolm X departs from the Nation of Islam. Blimpie & the Ford Mustang made their debut. Nelson Mandela makes strong moves against apartheid, and for his efforts receives life imprisonment. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed, and a few weeks later race riots break out in Harlem. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. receives the Nobel Peace Prize. Also Keanu Reeves was born.

"Thanks for the history lesson Stew. We all know that you did not just pull all of this information from out of your head. You don't even like history. So stop acting like you are some kind of American history buff. Also, you and I both know that you are not about to go on a rant about race relations so can you please GET TO THE POINT!!!! One last thing, you decided to put the birth of Keanu Reeves amongst some pretty important events. Please explain."

More on the Keanu Reeves thing later. Now to the point. Also in 1964 The Rolling Stones released a song called "Time is on my Side". They are liars. I hate time. If there was a way to get rid of it I would. Time is not on anyone's side. Time is here to work against us, to pressure us, to make sure that we are always aware of the fact that we are running out of it. Time is unmanageable. The concept of "good time management" is an illusion your teachers present you with to give you false hope that you can take control of the time that is always slipping by. The fact that I despise time leads me to not like anything that is associated with time. Deadlines for example, might as well be the devil himself. As a matter of fact, if you really think about it, it can be argued that the devil created deadlines.

"Now you are pushing it. So you mean to tell me that you plan to argue the fact that the devil created deadlines just to torture us. Before I tell you how STUPID you sound, I will let you continue."

Stay with me. One thing that is always present in our day to day life is temptations.

"Right."

Temptation is there breathing down our necks driving us crazy until we can not help but to give in. Deadlines do the same thing. Once you are given a deadline that's when it begins. No matter what you are doing, washing your car, playing a sport, sleeping, reading, or even doing that very thing that corresponds to the deadline, that deadline is there. It watches over you, applies pressure, makes you feel guilty for anything that you do besides paying more attention to it. Then you snap, and you devote every waking moment to the deadline until you are finished with so you can be freed from the hold of the devil.

"Seems to me like you have had time management issues your whole life and now that you have a venue to complain, you are doing just that. Time management is not an illusion. The basic principle behind it is that if you devote a reasonable amount of time to your responsibilities then you will not have to be hounded by "deadlines". I do agree with you on one thing. The Rolling Stone are liars. In the song they say:

Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town
And baby, do everything your heart desires
Remember, I'll always be around
And I know, I know
Like I told you so many times before
You're gonna come back, baby
'Cause I know
You're gonna come back knocking
Yeah, knocking right on my door
Yes, yes!

They are lying to themselves. They are liars because "Time" is lying to them. They think that "Time" will bring someone closer to you. You can not let someone go off like that without still having some hold on them to bring them back to you. Stew, here's a tip: Get off the computer and do the things you are supposed to be doing. AND YOU STILL HAVE NOT EXPLAINED THE KEANU REEVES THING!!!"

I love The Matrix. The movies was ground-breaking for so many reasons. What a lot of people do not pay attention to is the depth of the movie. There was a character named The Merovingian. I am not about to go into any detail about the character besides the fact that he based his decision making solely on deductive reasoning. He mentions something about "time" in The Matrix Reloaded that I thought would be appropriate to mention. He says "Yes, of course. Who has time? Who has time? But then if we never TAKE time how can we ever HAVE time?"

Think about it.

~sTeW~

The Beginning

It's No Big Deal. That's what comes after the title. For the past 6 or 7 years that phrase has been the foundation for my day to day life. Before then I worried a lot. I worried about what other people thought of me, other people's issues, everyone else's problems but my own (I didn't have many, but still). I spent so much time trying to impress people and make sure that I never rubbed anyone the wrong way. There came a point where I did not like the person I was turning into. I realized that I cared to much about others and not enough about myself. My self esteem dropped off for a while.

"Yeah Yeah, that's sad and all, but let them know how you turned it all around. Tell them how you came across this life altering sentiment."

Another issue I had as a youngster was my inability to control my emotions. I was due for one OFF THE WALL outburst at least twice a week. Whether it be me crying like a baby because I lost a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos, or someone intentionally pestering to set me off, I would explode right on cue.....kinda like Ol' Faithful. Apparently my Granny wanted to give me some words of wisdom, she wanted to let me know that everything is not a life or death situation, sometimes things happen and just as soon as they happen they fade away. Her way of doing this was sending me this She sent it too me when I was very young, but I did not pay much attention to it for years. Fast forward to high school. I look up on my wall, and there is this pink sheet of paper hanging on the wall in a plastic frame. I take it off the wall, read it, discuss it with my mom, and the rest is history.

"Ok Stew, that's enough. These people are just starting to read your blog, and you are going on and on about ancient history. How about an introduction?!?"

I digress. To begin, my name is Stew. For now, we will keep it that simple...Stew. Maybe I will tell you more once I get to know you better. The person that has twice now interrupted me (the "quoted" text) that is Douglas. He is MY manifestation of the Devil's Advocate. He will always be around to look at any issue I decide to discuss from a different perspective. I am hoping that our conversations will grant you (the reader) insight. Maybe help you look at things in a different way. Help you to open you mind.

"Thanks for the intro I didn't ask for. That's enough for your first post. You don't want to bore the poor people to death. They will learn more about US as they read the blog. Sign off."

I guess that is enough for now. I am guessing that I have piqued your interest enough for you to stop by and check me out at some time in the near future. I will have this page looking half decent soon. Stick around, things are going to start getting interesting.

~sTeW~