OK....Now I'm Worried!!!

One of Ashton Kutcher's better movies has to be Butterfly Effect. The whole concept of one small change in the past having cataclysmic consequences in the future really made me think. Looking back in history there have been plenty of events that, if one minor detail is changed, then many situations today would be entirely different. The most interesting part of all of this is that in most of those situations those people did not know that they would become iconic for the things they did. They were not expecting to make history. Rosa Parks was not shooting for glory. Neither were the people who fought and died during the Civil Rights movement. Many of the presidents that changed history did not pass bills to become immortal, they did it because they thought it was the right thing to do.

"So far you have not said anything yet that is totally off the wall. I can agree with everything that you have said. I think that those are the types of people who should be praised; those who perform a task selflessly. But you did not come here to talk about historical figures and why you admire them. What's really on your mind?"

It is different when you know that a particular event will change your future.

"You going to tell us, or are you going to continue to pussyfoot around it?"

I have a final coming up and my ENTIRE future is riding on it

"Are you serious? I thought you were about to go into something deep. Now we have to listen to you complain about this test. I could be doing something else. I will be watching TV."

So I was accepted into grad school as a provisional student. This is because I did not have a perfect GPA coming out of undergrad, nor did I score a 1600 on the GRE. Yet I am on the path that I want to be on. I call it luck. My dad says intercessory prayer has aided me in getting to where I am. Either way, some would say that I do not deserve to have the opportunities that have been given to me. As a provisional student I have to get B's in both of my classes. I am doing fine in one class, but the other really has me worried. I have NEVER been in a position where ONE TEST decides my fate. I have no backup plan. This is the only school that I applied to, this is the only school that I am interested in attending. As it stands now, I HAVE to get an A on the final to get a B for the class. I have always been clutch under pressure.

"Except for that one time when you were playing little league baseball. You had the bases loaded and all you had to do was hit a ground ball and your team would have won. What did you do? You hit a fly ball to the pitcher. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!"

Wait, I thought you were watching TV?

"Sorry."

Besides that one incident, I have always been able to come out on top.

It's weird to be having these feelings. These feelings of doubt. A dark "worry cloud" hanging over my head.

I do not worry.

I do not doubt myself.

I NEVER worry.

I NEVER doubt myself.

Well...no need to start now.

~sTeW~