Before we get started today, I would like to direct any newcomers to my first post. This will explain any questions that you may have. Also it will prevent you from thinking that I am COMPLETELY nuts.
"Who knows, you may be a little crazy."
With that being said, let's move on.
Depending on what your views are, everything did not always have a "name". If you are a creationist then everything had its name from the beginning. If you believe in evolution then you think that names were given to everything once man was able to talk. Either way it took some creativity to name EVERYTHING. Fast forward to the recent times, and you see that scientist are becoming lazy when it comes to naming new species of animals. Instead of screwing with a Latin word to make a cool new name, they are naming animals based off of what they do, where they found them, or they just combine two known animals names into one. For example, scientist made a "supercat" from mixing lion and tiger DNA, thus the Liger was born. They found a squirrel that could glide through they air, so they called it a flying squirrel. Then you have the African & Asian elephant. Using this logic they should have named rottweilers "bite-the-shit-out-of-you dog", or called baboons "pink butt monkey".
"So you expect these people to come up with new and exciting names for everything they find just because you want cooler names? There are MILLIONS of different species of animals out there. No one has time for that. If they find a modified version of a more common animal, they are going to name it by its modification. That makes more sense than your crazy wordplay idea. Why do you care anyway?"
I care because the people around me have been just as uncreative as these scientist.
I always wanted a cool nickname, but I never got one. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my name. I would make passionate love to it if I could. When I was in elementary school we were required to read a book, and the book was......Stuart Little. For about two weeks, my name was Stuart Little. I was named after a talking mouse. One of the main reasons I hated that dreaded name is because I do not spell my name like that, that "U" in the middle makes the name look lame. Whats worse is that I thought that I had escaped that terrible name, but behold that damn Michael J. Fox went out and made a movie. So I was tormented by small children....again. By that time I was old enough to toss them all down a well, but my lawyers advised against that for legal reasons.
Another terrible name was Beef Stew. This name did not come up as often, but when it did it sent people into a frenzy. People would laugh like they saw a guy get hit in the nuts on America Funniest Home Videos. I thought it absolutely sucked as a nickname, but I could not do anything to shake it.
"Well you have to admit, those names are pretty funny."
My family is a little better about nicknames, but every name they gave me do not mean anything. I would rather not divulge the nature of the names that they gave me, (and I hope they don't either) but let's just say that they made up words and stuck them together to make up names to torture me with. Thanks Mom, Dad, & Dee you have been a big help.
I have to give props to Niki.Mac. She was the first person to call me Stewy. This was in middle school WAY before Family Guy came out. Too bad it did not stick until after Family Guy dropped. The sad thing is that sometimes people do not make the Family Guy connection until they have known me for a while. Then they laugh and laugh, "You have the same name as the baby. Ha Ha Ha!!!" Idiots.
I do have one name that I am proud of. StewNasty. That is all I really need at this point in my life. I love it. Let it roll off of your tongue a few times. StewNasty. StewNasty. StewNasty. No really, say it out loud. Hopefully you will have the same appreciation for it as I do.