Parents...Someone Should Call Their Bluff

There is this story that my brother likes to tell.  The story always goes something like this:

Stew, you probably do not remember this but there was this time when you were younger and you did something wrong and mom was about to beat you.  Well at one point she took a swing at you and missed.  Do you remember what you said to her after she missed?  You said 'Ah ha you missed me!'  After that it was over.

Every time he tells that story it is funny.  Neither me nor my mom remember the story, but if he remembers it then it has to be true.

"That sounds like something stupid you would do.  I'm glad I was not around back then.  She would not have caught us."

So you would have had us run away when we were 4 years old?

"Self preservation is the first law of nature my friend."

I am sure mom would have tried to KILL us.  Please stop talking.

Recently I started think about all of the threats that no one ever calls their parents on.  Like this one 'I will slap the taste out of your mouth', and the always scary 'I will knock you into next week'.  And do not forget the all time classic....say it with me now.....


In the world of threats, this might just be the most scary.  Tell me that the little hairs on you neck did not stand out of fear when your mom or dad said that.  I personally received that threat, so I know how it feels.

Here's the thing....

I never thought that my mom would kill me.  But I wonder if she would.  Makes me want to go back in time and call her bluff.  Be like, 'Really mom, so you are going to kill me because I did not sweep the driveway.  Is that really worth going to jail over?'  Needless to say I probably would not have any teeth left in my skull, but my point would be proven.  Parents do not have the stones to kill their kid for hanging wet clothes on the brand new kitchen chairs (inside joke), but they will rough them up a bit, Mike Tyson style with the wet clothes still in the child's arms (same inside joke).  And they do not care that the other kid is there watching glad that it is not him, but all the while thinking to himself, 'If that was me, she would not be landing all those punches' (end inside joke here).

So next time your parents deliver terroristic threats to you stand up for yourself, try not to wet your pants, and CALL THEIR BLUFF.


Disclaimer: Stew is not responsible for any physical harm that may come to you from doing something this idiotic.  I am sure that if you take this advice your next coherent thought would come to you from a hospital bed with your jaw wired shut.


ms.uncensored said...

my mother put the fear of god in me. she could've jumped at me and i'd be scared. dead ass. i still did stupid shit to get my ass whooped though. and she never missed. lol

Lina said...

Only Stew....

PhlyyGirl said...

"'Really mom, so you are going to kill me because I did not sweep the driveway. Is that really worth going to jail over?' Needless to say I probably would not have any teeth left in my skull,"

Just as long as you had already made an appointment to get your dentures beforehand, then everything is cool.
I never thought my mother would kill me, but she whooped my ass a FEW times. Like the time she blacked my eye and I never saw her hand move!
Shouldn't been skipping school though
*looks over shoulder*

kayellejaye said...

My mom came to my school once and beat my ass in the girls' bathroom. So I've always been scared of her and her sneak attacks.

Don said...

Okay, I had to check the disclaimer first because I had the type of parent/guardians that would destroy you if you called their bluff.

I mean, straight aggravated assault.

Stew said...

@uncensored - needless to say, my mom never missed again

@lina - what???

@phlyygirl - your mom is the matrix

@kayelle - i have been snuck up on a few times too

@don - i have been destroyed a few times, so i know what you mean