Douglass' Weekly Sex Tip

"I don't have anything clever to say this time.  My message is very very clear this week."

"NO GLOVE, NO LOVE."

±DoUgLaSs±

Can You Compare The Two???

A little while ago I wrote about the average black man. I think this video plays into what I was talking about.

Tell me what you think.

~sTeW~

Douglass' Weekly Sex Tip

*whistle blows*

Penalty on the the play.  Failure to verbalize.  1 date suspension. 

*Douglass is pissed*

"Failure to verbalize.  This is a common mistake both men and women make on a consistent basis.  To put it in layman's terms, you don't let your partner know you are enjoying yourself through auditory responses while you are sexing.  I am confused by this phenomenon.  Ladies, if it feels good let him know by groaning or screaming, or by simpling saying 'That feels good'.  Fellas, don't just get in there and hammer away, talk to her.  Tell her that you are enjoying the experience as much as she it.  You do not have to hold a full conversation, but give her some indication that you aren't just there to lay pipe.  I am not saying that you have to be as ignorant as the folks from porn, but something is better than nothing."

"For the more advanced users, dirty talk can also spice things up between the sheets.  Be careful though, sometimes dirty talk can get a little too dirty, and that can get you in trouble.  For example, don't call your partner a 'FILTHY WHORE' if you have any indication that she may not like it.  Ladies, don't try to get your partner more into the experience by telling him that he 'HAS A DICK LIKE A G.I. JOE' if you are not absolutely sure that he will not go into the fetal position and start crying."

"So remember, talking is not reserved only for the good folks at West Coast Productions, or Bang Bros.  You and your partner can talk too. Just avoid conversations, and calling him/her by the wrong name."

"That could be disastrous."

±DoUgLaSs±

Parents...Someone Should Call Their Bluff

There is this story that my brother likes to tell.  The story always goes something like this:

Stew, you probably do not remember this but there was this time when you were younger and you did something wrong and mom was about to beat you.  Well at one point she took a swing at you and missed.  Do you remember what you said to her after she missed?  You said 'Ah ha you missed me!'  After that it was over.

Every time he tells that story it is funny.  Neither me nor my mom remember the story, but if he remembers it then it has to be true.

"That sounds like something stupid you would do.  I'm glad I was not around back then.  She would not have caught us."

So you would have had us run away when we were 4 years old?

"Self preservation is the first law of nature my friend."

I am sure mom would have tried to KILL us.  Please stop talking.

Recently I started think about all of the threats that no one ever calls their parents on.  Like this one 'I will slap the taste out of your mouth', and the always scary 'I will knock you into next week'.  And do not forget the all time classic....say it with me now.....

'I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I WILL TAKE YOU OUT' 

In the world of threats, this might just be the most scary.  Tell me that the little hairs on you neck did not stand out of fear when your mom or dad said that.  I personally received that threat, so I know how it feels.

Here's the thing....

I never thought that my mom would kill me.  But I wonder if she would.  Makes me want to go back in time and call her bluff.  Be like, 'Really mom, so you are going to kill me because I did not sweep the driveway.  Is that really worth going to jail over?'  Needless to say I probably would not have any teeth left in my skull, but my point would be proven.  Parents do not have the stones to kill their kid for hanging wet clothes on the brand new kitchen chairs (inside joke), but they will rough them up a bit, Mike Tyson style with the wet clothes still in the child's arms (same inside joke).  And they do not care that the other kid is there watching glad that it is not him, but all the while thinking to himself, 'If that was me, she would not be landing all those punches' (end inside joke here).

So next time your parents deliver terroristic threats to you stand up for yourself, try not to wet your pants, and CALL THEIR BLUFF.

~sTeW~

Disclaimer: Stew is not responsible for any physical harm that may come to you from doing something this idiotic.  I am sure that if you take this advice your next coherent thought would come to you from a hospital bed with your jaw wired shut.

When I Go Shopping

I am not into shoes at all, but I know that they are essential to make a good outfit.  Thanks to people like Kid. A and Niki, these multicolored shoes caught my eye.  I am normally very strict about the color shoes I but because I never know if I have clothes to go with them or not.  I am fairly sure I have clothes that go with these though.

As for the title of this post, when I go shopping I ALWAYS find stuff that I like for a low price. Guess how much I paid for these shoes put together..... go ahead, I will give you a second.

I paid less than $55 for both of them, not $55 a piece, $55 together.  This is how I shop.  Some of you are probably not impressed, but I am always happy with the things that I buy.

"I'm not impressed.  Personally I don't like them."

I like them, but I am curious to know what you folks think about them.  Good decision, bad decision, you do not really care.  Let me know something.

~sTeW~

Douglass' Weekly Sex Tip

*whistle blows*

Personal foul.  Illegal use of teeth.  Violator will be assessed a two date penalty.  No fooling around until three dates from now.

*red flag hits sex ref in the face*

We have a challenge on the field.  Yet again, coming from Douglass.

"There is no way that biting in the bedroom should be illegal.  If anything biting should be encouraged.  There is a certain aspect of pleasure that come along with pain.  Well, not always, but in intimate situations this almost always holds true.  Ladies you know what I am talking about.  When HE is hitting that spot, and it 'hurts so good'.  (Disclaimer: I have never, nor do I ever, want to be penetrated in the same fashion as a woman is.  I can't speak for Stew though.) The pain that you would experience from biting would be similar to that.  But don't restrict yourself to just biting.  Scratching, hair pulling, pinching, slapping....just go crazy with it.  All of those little things can enhance an intimate experience tenfold."

"I am not saying go out there and punish someone, even though if you are into the dominatrix thing then more power to you.  All I am saying is a little pain can go a long way."

"Try it.  Go out and bite someone, then ask to be bitten.  If you don't like it then I will guarantee your money back.  Well....since you didn't pay for this in the first place, I will probably tell you that you did it wrong, and that you should go back and try it again until you get it right."

±DoUgLaSs±