4 Days Left....

For those of you who have been wondering: 'When is Stew going to let us check out the mixtape?' (And I know it has been all of you). I have decided that I am going to drop a single on Tuesday.  Everyone else seems to drop their music on Tuesday so I decided that I would too.  I am in the process of choosing which song I am going to drop, but I am leaning towards Crazy Ass Dreams.  Niki has asked me to allow her to reveal the music so I have decided to let her introduce me to the world.  So on Tuesday, go to singlebubblepop.blogspot.com so you can hear my first single.

"No one wants to hear that crap."

Well if they do not want to hear it, then they do not have to listen.  It is for those of you who want to hear it.

So remember, Tuesday is the day you have all been waiting for.

Actually I am a little nervous.

~sTeW~

The shoe is on the other foot

One of the greatest parts of college is the freedom to get up and leave whenever you want.  It is not like grade school where you needed hall passes and crap like that.  If I am sitting in a class and I want to leave and grab something to eat before class is over, I have every right to do so.  The professor will not even be upset about it...most times.  Also, I used to love it when the professor would not show up in the 10-15 minute window.  Everyone would sign their name to prove that they were there then leave.  That was such a good feeling.

"That must be why your grades were so bad.  You were too anxious to get up and leave instead of sticking around to possibly learn something.  Congrats on being an underachiever."

I do not make the rules.  It was my understanding that after a certain amount of time, if the teacher did not show up then we were allowed to leave.  Who am I to go against the rules?

"When I was in school I stuck around an extra 5 or 10 minutes just to make sure that the professor did not come."

If I recall, while I was in class, you stayed at home and slept.

"Well.......I WOULD'VE stuck around.  Going to class with you was boring anyway.  But I was always right by your side the second class was over. You can't deny that."

Right....Anyhow....

The worse thing about the 10-15 minute late policy is that most times the teacher was just running late, and you would be hit with the rush of disappointment when you saw him/her walk in the door.  You would always think 'Dang, just a few more minutes I could be back at home getting drunk'.

Now that I am a teacher, I get to disappoint my students the same way.

Take today for instance.  My class starts at 10:10, and I woke up at 10:03.  I knew I was going to be late, but I had not clue HOW late.  (Good thing I took a shower the night before, because I had no time to take one this morning)  I knew that the window was 15 minutes so I had until 10:25 to get there.  I wish I had a camera to capture the emotions on my student's faces when I walked in that class at 10:23.  There was anger, disappointment, frustration, every emotion that you would expect when someone does not get what they want.  Like that kid whose parents would not let him get a paintball gun, even though he had the money to pay for it and plenty of things to shoot. 

**AHEM** **COUGH** **COUGH**

 MOM!!!!! DAD!!!! 

**COUGH** **COUGH** **AHEM**

I do not know what it is about causing that kind of disappointment.

But I like it.

~sTeW~

They are only jokes...

Going to the bar for happy hour is a tradition for many people.  I guess it makes sense in some sense.  You get off work after a long day, the first thing you want to do is relax a little.  What better way to relax than to have a few drinks at half price.  Even though drinking mid-afternoon brings about all kinds of problems, it's still a good way to relax after work.

"Drinking is fun isn't it? I remember this one time I was drunk and met this girl.  She had the bigge..."

I am going to stop you right there Douglass.  There is no need for you to 'grace' us with one of your fascinating stories.  We should save that for another day.

"Whew...That was one crazy night. You should have seen what she did she stuck a whole eggplant..."

STOP RIGHT THERE!!!  Thanks Douglass, but not today.

Getting to the point.

Yesterday, Jesus De Luca, his room mate Freebird, and I went to a bar after everyone was finished for the day.  Well I was not finished yet, but I can not pass up a trip to the bar.  When we got there I sat beside this guy that looked like he just came out of a intense finger paint/aerobic session.  Turns out him and his brother are painters, and they are here painting one of the buildings on campus.  I have said it before, the reason why stereotypes exist, is because they are true.  These guys were your stereotypical Irish-Americans.  I am not exactly sure what they stereotype consists of, but I do know they were drinking, loud, and telling jokes.

"Yep, that just about does it.  That is what they say the typical Irish guy is like.  Not Irish chicks though.  Like this one Irish chick I met once.  She put the 'free' in freak.  She had this sex swing, and she would let me..."

SO ANYWAY...

They were some funny guys.  Really nice guys, and told some really good jokes.  They had us dying.  Everything was going fine, they were making dumb blond jokes, Irish jokes, all kinds of ignorance.  Now....most times I am the only POC (Person of Color), so it is always easy to tell when the mood shifts and a racial joke is about to get thrown out.  The one saying it always prefaces it with something like:

OK. This is a horrible joke.  

OR

Don't get mad at me about this one.

I never stop anyone from telling a joke, because they are meant to be funny, depending on who is telling them.  

This is the racial joke that he told.  Tell me if you think this is funny.

Sarah Palin got an offer from Playboy to pose and be the centerfold.  

She was offered 10 million dollars.  She turned it down.

Michelle Obama got the same offer but,

It was from National Geographic.

You know how you got those jokes that you only tell people of your own race because you are not sure how the race you are picking on is going to take it???

I think these are one of those jokes that should stay amongst our melanin free counterparts. 

~sTeW~

You have lost my support

I like Mark Walhberg.

"I always knew you liked men.  Let it be known, sTeW likes men.  I always knew you had it in you.  I'm glad you finally made the decision to come out."

I am four words into this and you are already being an asshole.

"Isn't that why I'm here?"

You are here to provide support, a different perspective, insight, not ridicule me.

"Well you gotta take the good with the bad.  Like Peter Griffin said 'You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and now you have, my opening statement."

Yeah well I need for you to shut up for a second so I can get started.

Like I was saying....I like Mark Walhberg.  I think he does very well with the roles that he decides to take.  Even though he was a part of possibly the worst movie ever made, The Happening, I think he still did a very good job with what he was given.  He also did well in Max Payne, it was not his fault that the movie was two steps from horrible.

I am not here to talk about Mark Wahlberg in particular.  This is about another movie he did, The Italian Job.  This is one of my favorite movies.  I think Mos Def is a damn fool, Seth Green was funny, and Jason Statham did a good job as Hansom Rob.  Ed Norton.....that is all that needs to be said.....Ed Norton.

Again, I am not here to talk about the actors in the movie, I want to talk about the end of the movie.  The writers of the movie make you like the characters even though they are nothing but a gang of thieves.  Generally, people look down on criminal, but in the movie world they can be portrayed as the heroes.  So, at the end of the movie The Napster creates a huge traffic jam that allow him to direct the armored car the direction that they want it to go in.  How do he accomplish this?  He changes the stoplights so that innocent people get into car accidents.  What most people do not think about is: What happens to the poor people out there trying to get to work, pick their kids up, or cheat on their spouse?  They are out there just minding their business trying to obey traffic laws and they hit someone, while Mark Wahlberg & Mos Def are off somewhere else getting rich. In my personal opinion they should donate some of that money to those who were affected by their greed.  Who is supposed to pay for that huge hole they put in the road?  The taxpayers, that is who.  How am I supposed to root for these guys if they are going to make my taxes go up by blowing a huge hole in the road?

"You do understand that it's just a movie don't you?  It's not real.  There are very few things about that movie that is plausible."

It is about the principle.  I am not going to give my support to a bunch of crooks who give back nothing to the people who were affected by their thievery . 

"If you are going to complain about this kind of thing maybe you should stop watching movies."

I just want to give you people something to think about.

You know I have a point.

~sTeW~

I Got a Question...

First off I want to send a shout out to our new president.  I know he reads my blog so I want to make sure that I show him so love.

WHAT'S HAPPENING BARACK!!! (yeah we are on a first name basis)

Now can you please get off my back.  You got your shout out.  Don't you have a country to run, go and sign some treaties or something.

"If the man wants you to show him some love then show him some love, he is the president you know.  If I were him I would have you shipped of somewhere.  But then again I would have you shipped off anyway."

Violence never solves anything Douglass.

"Who said anything about being violent.  I would sedate you, put you in a box, then have you send to South America somewhere."

Good luck with that.

Anyhow....

I was thinking about all the cool perks that come with being the president.  You get 24 hour care, you do not have to pay for anything for 4, possibly 8, years so on and so forth.  In my personal opinion, one of the best perks that come with being the president is you get to add anything to the White House that you want.  For example, Obama said that he is going to add a basketball court.  This is a great idea.  He love to play ball, so he should not have to go to the local gym and risk assassination, he can just invite some folks over and play.  

Which leads to my question...

If you were president, what would you add to the white house?

I the first thing that came to my mind, go-kart track.  I do not want to go-karts that you ride at Putt-Putt, I want the ones that go 30 mph and you have to wear a helmet.  I would get my go-kart specially made my NASA so they could put a rocket on the back.  I would not lose.  Everyone would be like 'Man President Stew be cheating!!!'  and then I would say 'It's not my fault I have the rocket kart.  If you want one, become president.'  Then I would laugh and speed away on my rocket kart.

I love my imagination.

~sTeW~

Douglass' Weekly Sex Tip

"FINALLY!!! KING DOUGLASS HAS COME BACK......TO BLOGSPOT. (That's a small wrestling reference to those of you who did not catch on.) I have been waiting and waiting to make my triumphant return, and now I am back.  Is there a better way to return than on my own personal segment? I don't think so."

So are you satisfied?  Are you happy that you have finally made your comeback?

"I thought you were sleep?"

I will not classify you crushing up a sleeping pill and putting it in my drink as 'sleep'.

"What makes you think I had anything to do with that?"

NOONE ELSE LIVES HERE BUT US, AND I DID NOT DRUG MY DAMN SELF!!!

"Well if I did it....then technically you did."

..............

"Well I am assuming that your silence mean I can begin."

"Hopefully, this week's topic will open a few minds, and lead some of you to step out of you sexual comfort zone and try something new.  If you ask me, sex is all about exploring the limits of your body.  It's about finding the things you do like, and exploring the things you thought you would never do.  So let's jump right into it"

"The anus.  Most people are not very receptive to the idea of the anus playing a part in sex, but if stimulated properly the anus can provide a great amount of pleasure for both men and women.  I know most men will not dare have anything come close to their anus, I would even assume that washing themselves provides great discomfort.  (I wonder if these same people have to say 'no homo' as they touch their naughty places)"

"I have always been curious to hear why people are so against anything anal related.  I understand there are the obvious reasons, like 'That's where feces comes from' & 'It smells back there'.  These, like all the other issues, can be solved by simply washing well.  Another problem that frequently comes up is pain.  The only way to get past that is to take it slow.  I am not saying the first time you decide to experiment you should just go crazy, you should do just enough so that you are comfortable, then take it a little further each time you decide to try it again.  Eventually you will get to a point where you are completely comfortable, and then you can really begin to enjoy it.  Lastly, most guys are worried about it being gay.  OF COURSE IT WOULD BE GAY IF YOU HAD A GUY BANGING YOU OUT.  But never have I heard of a woman giving a man pleasure being called gay.  Simple enough."

"In closing, the next time you have a curiosity about anything anal related, think about what you have read here."

"You will thank me later."

±DoUgLaSs±

Bet you forgot about this

And who is that making a cameo.....Halle Berry. That woman does not age. Also, this is when I thought Mya was unattractive, as a matter of fact I still think she is unattractive in this video. Now she is fine, but back then she was ugly to me.

Oh well.

~sTeW~