Not Fatal Fridays!!!

"You know, for a guy that live by the motto 'Unless it fatal, it's no big deal' Stew seems to let weird little thing bother him. So I guess that makes him a hypocrite. I can't believe I have to share a blog with a hypocrite."

The way I see it, if it was not for me you would not be on a blog in the first place. And what little things do I let bother me?

"Thanks for asking, because today's NFF is directed at you."

Here we go.

"It's safe to say that everyone has one little thing about the opposite sex that just does not sit well with them. For example, I can't stand going shopping with women. I don't know what it is, I just can't stand it. Women are marathon shoppers, and can bounce from store to store all day with no rest. After about 20 minutes I get sick of standing."

"Stew on the other hand takes this same concept to a different level. There is one thing that he can not deal with no matter how hard he tries. The sad part is that it is not something that women do exclusively... EVERYONE does it. What's worse is that he did not know that women did this until he was like 9."

Now why would you go and tell these people this? I doubt that they would even want to know this.

"You hush. Now you all may be wondering what it is that the 'genius' was oblivious of until he was damn near a teenager."

"Going number 2"

"Weird right? Stew does not like the notion of women doing this. He doesn't want to hear about it, smell it, think about it, hell he barely accepts the fact that women sit on the toilet to do more than pee."

Thanks a lot Douglass. Now our readers are going to think that I am some kind of weirdo.

"Chances are, they already have that idea in their heads."

"So from me to you Stew, I would like to say, women taking a dump is not fatal, there for it's no big deal."

±DoUgLaSs±

Anything Wrapped in Bacon is Good!!!

Before yesterday I had not really eaten anything for 2 days. This is mainly because I had been waiting to cook something. Not just anything either. This is a dish that eluded me the first time I attempted it.

"So you mean to tell me that FOOD slipped away from you? Yep, you're starting to lose it."

No smart-ass. I am saying that the first time I tried to cook it, it did not turn out the way I wanted it to. It turned into...well I do no know how to describe it, but let's just say that it was the exact opposite of what I was going for.

"Do you expect anyone to feel bad for you since you can't cook? I don't. I told you that we should just order out ever night, then we would not have to deal with stuff like this."

I assume you are wondering what it is that I am attempting to make. It's a little thing that I like to call BACON SURPRISE.

"What's that? It's not like what Grandpa made on that episode of The Boondocks is it? You remember that episode, The Itis?"

No Douglass, it is nothing like that. It is just shrimp wrapped in bacon. The first time I tried to make it, I cut the bacon too small, and the bacon was too think to wrap. So I just threw it in a pan an cooked it together. It was SOOOOOO good. But alas!!!!! Last night I was able to pull it off, and it turned out FANTASTIC. See for yourself.


Yeah I know, I know, it looks good right. This was when it was about half way finished.

This is the final product. I should win an award for this.

I think I will have one now.



Maybe one more


~sTeW~

Not Fatal Fridays!!!

"I am so sick of Stew coming in here and complaining about this. This can not wait until Friday."

What are you doing? I was going to post about this tomorrow. Seems to me like you are trying to steal my ideas.

"I think this is much better suited for a Not Fatal Friday segment."

Can not argue with that.

"So if you would excuse me I would like to start my segment now."

Be my guest.

"Sometimes Stew and I go out and we encounter a reoccurring problem. The strange thing is that we did not come across this problem much in undergrad, just from certain females. Whenever we go out to the club neither one of us likes to be wall flowers. We love to get out there and dance. There have been some nights where we dance from the moment we get in line to get into the club to when we lay down to get some much needed sleep. The difference is that we were at A&T. As all of you may or may not know, A&T is a school in the south."

I will ask the question that others want to. What does the fact that A&T is in the south have to do with anything?

"As everyone knows, there is a big difference between northern and southern people. I am only interested in the difference between northern and southern females. The focus is on one particular issue that I can't understand."

"Why is it that a dance means so much to northern girls? In the north it seems like dancing is look at more like a courtship than a dance. Growing up, and in college, when I danced with someone, it was just that...a dance and nothing more. I have pulled really wild stunts on the dance floor, but once the dance is finished then there is nothing more to it. I just can not understand why northern females can not look at it the same way. It boggles my mind. It's almost like dancing is equivalent to sex, if you dance with one girl then you had better not try and dance with her friend. They will throw a hissyfit and look at you like you just killed a kitten with a newborn riding on its back. "

That is pretty frustrating. Almost makes you not want to dance at all.

"So this is my public service announcement to all the northern females who look at dancing like it is the first step towards marriage..."

"A guy dancing with you, your friend, or anyone is not fatal, therefore it's no big deal."


±DoUgLaSs±

HELP!!!

We are having writer's block. We have ideas, but they are not manifesting. Hopefully whatever is stopping us from writing will go away soon.

~sTeW~

Blackout - DMX

I got tagged by Niki

I am tagging

Dajanae
Ms. Puddin
Swag Ambassador

MEME Rules:
1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!



IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?”, YOU SAY?
What's My Name? - DMX
(Ha!)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
We Don't Give a Fuck - DMX
(This is starting to get weird already. This is really how I feel about most things.)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Lolipop (Remix) feat. Gorilla Zoe - Lil Wayne
(Guess this makes sense a little. I actually liked Zoe in this though, his album is hot too.)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Paris, Tokyo - Lupe Fiasco
(I do feel like getting away.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Ridin' Through Atlanta feat. T.I. - Youngbloodz
(ATL here I Come!!!)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Moving Mountains - Usher
(I disagree)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The Omen - DMX
(Damn right. But is it a good omen or a bad omen? Only time will tell.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Ain't No Way - DMX

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I Tried feat. Akon - Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony

WHAT IS 2+2?
Real Motherfucker feat. Boyz N Da Hood - Gorilla Zoe

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Pistol Pistol Remix - Obie Trice
(Yep. They got my back. They don't have guns, but they would shoot if they had to.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Falsifying - Paul Wall & Chamillionaire

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Amityville - Eminem

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Play Dirty feat 50/50Twin - Paul Wall & Chamillionaire
(If this is what I have to do to get ahead then I will.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Hip-Hop Saved My Life feat Nikki Jean - Lupe Fiasco
(Wonder how true this is?)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Tylenol Island - Eminem
(This song is pretty funny, and my parents laugh at me all the time.)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Before I Met You - Usher
(Guess this makes sense.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
My Life - Da Band

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Straight Outta Houston - Magno

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
So Good So Right - Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Never Forget Me feat. Akon - Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony
(I will never forget my friends.)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Blackout - DMX

Not Fatal Fridays!!!

"I don't know why he has me do a segment that's meant for 'Friday' on Saturday morning. It makes no sense to me. I have to get away from this guy. He's only holding me back."

Get away from me? Where are you going to go?

"That's none of your business. Now keep quiet so that I can start this thing."

...

"What's happening folks? It's time once again for... Not Fatal Fridays!!! Today's topic was given suggested by Stew's good friend Niki. I can come up with ideas myself, but Stew BEGGED me to use her topic. I guess I will save my brilliance for another time."

"Let's begin."

"Today's topic is 'Keeping up with the Jones'. At first I did not understand what this was, until Niki explained it to me. (I guess she is useful for something) For those of you who were like me and do not know, I will explain. There have been a few commercials that have documented this. Like that Mini Cooper commercial where the two neighbors are battling to see who can put the coolest stuff on his car. Or the Home Depot commercial that airs around Christmas time where the two neighbors are competing to see who can put up the best decorations. Keeping up with the Jones' is referring to neighbors competing over something extremely trivial like the best lawn, bigger fence, better garden....that kind of stuff."

It's hard to believe that people actually compete over these kinds of things. Jay-J has never battled with anyone over how the lawn looked, and I doubt that Madame B. has ever cared about who's drapes are nicer. Then again I am sure that they do not care enough to compete.

"Even though no one asked you to comment, I will address your comments. Not everyone has this competitive spirit, just really shallow people. I understand that competition is in man's nature, but if you want to be competitive then have a race around the block or play a game of checkers, but don't try to out do your neighbor's rose bushes. That is a waste of time."

I am going to play your role as devil's advocate. I would think that this competition would be good because they are only improving their land and bringing the value up.

"But how long does this stay a positive rivalry? How long until Joe starts to sabotage Sarah's flowers? How long until Pete lets his German Shepard pee on Billy's grass? These things will happen. Just as competition is a part of life, so is cheating."

"At the end of the day, people need to spend less time worrying about other people and more time worrying about themselves and what they have to do."

"So remember...What your neighbor does is not fatal, therefore it's no big deal"

±DoUgLaSs±

5 Things You Learn When...

Recently I realized that I like when my posts have specific themes, or are part of an on going series of posts. Like my Would You Rather... series on single*bubble*pop or the Not Fatal Fridays series that I started here.

"HEY HEY HEY!!!! What makes you think that you started that? I thought we came to an agreement that that segment is MINE?!?!?!"

Oh yeah. Sorry. I meant to say the Not Fatal Fridays series that Douglass created.

"That's more like it. By the way, why is it there has only been one? I thought it was a weekly thing?"

You know I have had stuff going on. I told you to stop worrying me about that.

Anyhow...

This is a new series of posts that I will be periodically presenting you fine people with. If you have not figured out the name of the series (the title of this post) then I have no sympathy for you. (hmmmm...sound like a nice name for another series)

Let's begin.

Recently I went to Houston with my man Jesùs De Luca and he was gracious enough to fly me back. I have been flying alot lately, and I have had the pleasure of sitting next to many different people. Like EVERYONE else in the WORLD I can not stand when kids act up on airplanes. With that being said, this post is about:

5 Things You Learn When... you sit next to bad kids on airplanes.

1. You are not completely past doing something horrible to a child. You begin to think:
   -Can this kid be safely stowed away under the seat or in the overhead compartments
   -Will this kid fit in the seat back pocket? Maybe if I take out these magazines.
   -Is it possible to toss this kid out of the emergency exit without the plane crashing?
   -What sound does a falling toddler make?
   
2. You are not completle against abortion anymore? You begin to think:
   -Just because you CAN have a baby does not mean you SHOULD have a baby.
   -If that lady gets pregnant again I will PAY for the abortion.
   
3. Any kids you THOUGHT you wanted, you do not want them anymore. You begin to think:
   -I wonder how much it cost to get my tubes tied?
   -Forget tubes tied, I want them OUT!!!
   Fellas
   -What's the condom count looking like?
   -I hope my girl don't EVER get pregnant.
   
4. The bathroom is not soundproof. You begin to think:
   -Damn it smells in here.
   
5. You do not have telepathic powers. You begin to think:
   -I wonder if I concentrate hard enough if I could make that mom/dad slap the hell out of that kid
   -Nope.

Lucky for me, I have never had to sit directly next to a kid acting up. Actually, every kid I have been next to has been pretty well behaved.

Guess I have been lucky.

The kid too.

~sTeW~