5 Things You Learn When...

Recently I realized that I like when my posts have specific themes, or are part of an on going series of posts. Like my Would You Rather... series on single*bubble*pop or the Not Fatal Fridays series that I started here.

"HEY HEY HEY!!!! What makes you think that you started that? I thought we came to an agreement that that segment is MINE?!?!?!"

Oh yeah. Sorry. I meant to say the Not Fatal Fridays series that Douglass created.

"That's more like it. By the way, why is it there has only been one? I thought it was a weekly thing?"

You know I have had stuff going on. I told you to stop worrying me about that.


This is a new series of posts that I will be periodically presenting you fine people with. If you have not figured out the name of the series (the title of this post) then I have no sympathy for you. (hmmmm...sound like a nice name for another series)

Let's begin.

Recently I went to Houston with my man Jesùs De Luca and he was gracious enough to fly me back. I have been flying alot lately, and I have had the pleasure of sitting next to many different people. Like EVERYONE else in the WORLD I can not stand when kids act up on airplanes. With that being said, this post is about:

5 Things You Learn When... you sit next to bad kids on airplanes.
  1. You are not completely past doing something horrible to a child. You begin to think:
    -Can this kid be safely stowed away under the seat or in the overhead compartments
    -Will this kid fit in the seat back pocket? Maybe if I take out these magazines.
    -Is it possible to toss this kid out of the emergency exit without the plane crashing?
    -What sound does a falling toddler make?
  2. You are not completle against abortion anymore? You begin to think:
    -Just because you CAN have a baby does not mean you SHOULD have a baby.
    -If that lady gets pregnant again I will PAY for the abortion.
  3. Any kids you THOUGHT you wanted, you do not want them anymore. You begin to think:
    -I wonder how much it cost to get my tubes tied?
    -Forget tubes tied, I want them OUT!!!
    -What's the condom count looking like?
    -I hope my girl don't EVER get pregnant.
  4. The bathroom is not soundproof. You begin to think:
    -Damn it smells in here.
  5. You do not have telepathic powers. You begin to think:
    -I wonder if I concentrate hard enough if I could make that mom/dad slap the hell out of that kid

Lucky for me, I have never had to sit directly next to a kid acting up. Actually, every kid I have been next to has been pretty well behaved.

Guess I have been lucky.

The kid too.



niki.mac said...

this post was so funny stewie!! love it :)

Taryn "Skinny Genes" B. said...

your friend's name is so cool ^_^ ...lol I havent been on a plane in two years and thankfully I never sat by any kids. I like making scary faces at kids in the grocery store when their parents arent looking..that sets them straight :-)

dejanae said...

never sat by any bad lil kids either
but im sure i could handle it if i did
i have a way with them
not always orthodox
but i get the job done

karrie b. said...

stew, ur such a jerk, but i think thats why i like you.


Stew said...

@niki - glad i can make you smile

@taryn - i like his name too. the scary faces never work for me. kids just like to stare. a 6'3' black man is alot to look at

@dejanae - so curious to hear what these "unorthodox" ways are.

@karrie - sad thing is that i know i am a jerk. that's why i like me too