"HEY HEY HEY!!!! What makes you think that you started that? I thought we came to an agreement that that segment is MINE?!?!?!"
Oh yeah. Sorry. I meant to say the Not Fatal Fridays series that Douglass created.
"That's more like it. By the way, why is it there has only been one? I thought it was a weekly thing?"
You know I have had stuff going on. I told you to stop worrying me about that.
This is a new series of posts that I will be periodically presenting you fine people with. If you have not figured out the name of the series (the title of this post) then I have no sympathy for you. (hmmmm...sound like a nice name for another series)
Recently I went to Houston with my man Jesùs De Luca and he was gracious enough to fly me back. I have been flying alot lately, and I have had the pleasure of sitting next to many different people. Like EVERYONE else in the WORLD I can not stand when kids act up on airplanes. With that being said, this post is about:
5 Things You Learn When... you sit next to bad kids on airplanes.
- You are not completely past doing something horrible to a child. You begin to think:
-Can this kid be safely stowed away under the seat or in the overhead compartments
-Will this kid fit in the seat back pocket? Maybe if I take out these magazines.
-Is it possible to toss this kid out of the emergency exit without the plane crashing?
-What sound does a falling toddler make?
- You are not completle against abortion anymore? You begin to think:
-Just because you CAN have a baby does not mean you SHOULD have a baby.
-If that lady gets pregnant again I will PAY for the abortion.
- Any kids you THOUGHT you wanted, you do not want them anymore. You begin to think:
-I wonder how much it cost to get my tubes tied?
-Forget tubes tied, I want them OUT!!!
-What's the condom count looking like?
-I hope my girl don't EVER get pregnant.
- The bathroom is not soundproof. You begin to think:
-Damn it smells in here.
- You do not have telepathic powers. You begin to think:
-I wonder if I concentrate hard enough if I could make that mom/dad slap the hell out of that kid
Lucky for me, I have never had to sit directly next to a kid acting up. Actually, every kid I have been next to has been pretty well behaved.
Guess I have been lucky.
The kid too.