5 Things You Learn When...

Recently I realized that I like when my posts have specific themes, or are part of an on going series of posts. Like my Would You Rather... series on single*bubble*pop or the Not Fatal Fridays series that I started here.

"HEY HEY HEY!!!! What makes you think that you started that? I thought we came to an agreement that that segment is MINE?!?!?!"

Oh yeah. Sorry. I meant to say the Not Fatal Fridays series that Douglass created.

"That's more like it. By the way, why is it there has only been one? I thought it was a weekly thing?"

You know I have had stuff going on. I told you to stop worrying me about that.

Anyhow...

This is a new series of posts that I will be periodically presenting you fine people with. If you have not figured out the name of the series (the title of this post) then I have no sympathy for you. (hmmmm...sound like a nice name for another series)

Let's begin.

Recently I went to Houston with my man Jesùs De Luca and he was gracious enough to fly me back. I have been flying alot lately, and I have had the pleasure of sitting next to many different people. Like EVERYONE else in the WORLD I can not stand when kids act up on airplanes. With that being said, this post is about:

5 Things You Learn When... you sit next to bad kids on airplanes.

1. You are not completely past doing something horrible to a child. You begin to think:
   -Can this kid be safely stowed away under the seat or in the overhead compartments
   -Will this kid fit in the seat back pocket? Maybe if I take out these magazines.
   -Is it possible to toss this kid out of the emergency exit without the plane crashing?
   -What sound does a falling toddler make?
   
2. You are not completle against abortion anymore? You begin to think:
   -Just because you CAN have a baby does not mean you SHOULD have a baby.
   -If that lady gets pregnant again I will PAY for the abortion.
   
3. Any kids you THOUGHT you wanted, you do not want them anymore. You begin to think:
   -I wonder how much it cost to get my tubes tied?
   -Forget tubes tied, I want them OUT!!!
   Fellas
   -What's the condom count looking like?
   -I hope my girl don't EVER get pregnant.
   
4. The bathroom is not soundproof. You begin to think:
   -Damn it smells in here.
   
5. You do not have telepathic powers. You begin to think:
   -I wonder if I concentrate hard enough if I could make that mom/dad slap the hell out of that kid
   -Nope.

Lucky for me, I have never had to sit directly next to a kid acting up. Actually, every kid I have been next to has been pretty well behaved.

Guess I have been lucky.

The kid too.

~sTeW~