Can I REALLY get mad???

When you stay in the middle of nowhere, sometimes you get bored and there is nothing to do. One day my mom and I had a conversation that went something like this:

sTeW - Hey ma!
Mom - Hey punky (one of her pet names for me)! What's up?
sTeW - I do not know what it is, but it feel like my life is missing something. I need to do something more with my time.
Mom - Well maybe you should get out there and start volunteering again. I was doing it when I was your age and it is well worth the experience. Also you meet new people and learn new things.
sTeW - You know what ma? That is a fantastic idea. I am going do do that.

So purely out of the kindness of my heart I begin to search for a place to do community service. I have always like working with kids, so this is an obvious choice for me. I send out a few emails, and I get a response from a lady who works at this "SUMMER FUN CAMP." This is perfect.

"So you expect us to be impressed by you or something? You want us to applaud your so called good deed? Plenty of people do community service and do not want any kind of praise. They do it because they want to give back to the community. They want to pass along their knowledge so that the next generation can become as good as, or better than their generation. You should be ashamed of yourself."


You obviously have no storytelling abilities Dougie. You have to set up the main story by giving some back story. Imagine watching a movie and goes right to the climax. You would be left with a million questions.


"That's why I don't tell stories. I spit facts. No more. No less. And the name's DOUGLASS. Call me Dougie again and we are gonna have problems!!!"


HA! HA! HA! Right. Well you enjoy your 'fact spitting'. I am going to continue with my story.


This "SUMMER FUN CAMP" is run out of a school in a small town about 6 or 7 minutes away from where I live. I have been going there for about 3 weeks now, and I must say that I really love it. The kids there are ages 5 - 12. Going there brings back all of these nostalgic memories of being a child. But there is one downside, and this brings us to the purpose of this post. That downside is:


At least one kid says something racist to me EVERYDAY.


If you did not know, I am in RURAL Pennsylvania. Do I need to elaborate? Did not think so. I can not get mad at these kids for what they say, I can not even explain to them why what they are saying is racist. Remember, I am just a voluenteer. Here are some examples:

Situation: We are at the pool. One of the older kids is telling me about his parents, and one of his lackeys is standing next to him. We will call the kid I am talking to Ringleader, and his lackey.....let us just call him Lackey.

Ringleader: My mom is white and my dad is black. But they got divorced a few years ago. It's cool though.
sTeW: Dang man that's too bad. How are you holding up?
Ringleader: I am fine with it. I am staying here with my mom right now.
Lackey: Yeah.....my mom is white and my dad is white.
Ringleader: Thanks, we can see that.
Lackey: I wish I were black though.
sTeW: *thinking* Here we go
sTeW: No you don't
Ringleader: *looking at me* Why not?
sTeW: I'm not going to get into all of that. He just does not want to be black.
Lackey: I want to be black because of football. All of the good players in the NFL are black.
sTeW: *looks down at kid*
sTeW: *begins laughing & shaking head*
sTeW: *removes himself from the situation*

Situation: Sitting and doing arts and crafts. Working with Fusion Beads. (You can make all kinds of cool stuff. Just put the beads on the template and use an iron to fuse them together) I make a star with a bunch of different colors on it. I am sitting there with a bunch of kids, but one decides to drop this little piece of knowledge on me. We will call her Lion Tamer.

sTeW: Aw man. I should have made the part in the middle red, black, and green.
Lion Tamer: What does that mean?
sTeW: Those are the colors that represent Africa.
Random kids: Cool. I did not know that.
Lion Tamer: Yeah well do you know what the colors white, black, yellow, and red mean?
sTeW: *thinks*
sTeW: *not expecting anything remotely racist*
sTeW: I do not know. What does it mean?
Lion Tamer: White is for white people. Black is for black people. Yellow is for Chinese people. Red is for Indians.
(uncomfortable silence)
(all eyes on me)
sTeW: *laughs uncontrollably*
sTeW: That could be the most racist thing I have heard in a while
Lion Tamer: My mom told me that.
sTeW: *shakes head*
sTeW: *removes himself from the situation*

Situation: We could be doing anything, anywhere. A couple of the girls have said this. We will call one of them Legs, and the other Iron Face.

sTeW: *sitting & talking* or *sitting & doing arts and crafts* or *sitting & trying to stop kids from sitting on me*
Legs: *rubs my head like a vomit stain* Your hair is fuzzy!!!
Iron Face: *rubs my head equally as hard* Yeah it is fuzzy!!!
Both: *laugh like they were watching Hannah Montana*
sTeW: *removes himself from the situation*

Situation (My personal favorite): I am there for maybe 20 minutes and I am watching these kids do Bead Buddies. (It is just string and beads and the kids make animals and necklaces and bracelets. You get the idea) I get approached by this little 5 or 6 year old girl. She is evil. We will call her Carrie. (Who gets the movie reference?)

sTeW: *envious because I am having a hard time with Bead Buddies*
sTeW: Can someone help me? I am terrible at this.
Carrie: *turns to me and smiles* Are you allergic to chocolate?
sTeW: What?!? No. I am not. Why do you ask?
Carrie: *still smiling* Because you are brown, and brown people are allergic to chocolate.
sTeW: *literally ROFLMAO* I have to write this down.
sTeW: *still laughing... manages to get off of the floor and go into kitchen where phone is located*
Random Counselors: sTeW, what's so funny?
sTeW: These kids say something racist everyday.
Carrie: *followed me and stands at the door*
sTeW: *points at Carrie* Her.
Random Counselor: What did you say to sTeW?
Carrie: *still smiling, repeats entire conversation*
Random Counselor: Well why do you think they are allergic to chocolate?
Carrie: Because they are ugly!!!
sTeW: *returns to floor, and continues to LMAO*
(after a side conversation with the Counselor)
Carrie: I was just kidding. *skips away*
sTeW: *incapacitated by laughter, takes a short nap on the kitchen floor*

This has become pretty lengthy. I just wanted to set the mood for the conversation that is to come. You know I can not just give you a situation without wanting to talk about it. Next time we will get to the heart of the matter. So enjoy this, and until next time remember:

Control the pet population, have you pets spayed or neutered.

~sTeW~